[ yeah, she'd figured as much. she's not quite sure what to say at first, but: ]
i don't know what your velvet room contract was like. but i remember mine super clearly. death gave it to me.
"time never waits. it delivers all equally to the same end. i agree to the statement above, and i chooseth this fate of mine own free will."
i didn't really think about it. but i think i always knew i was only going to have that one year. maybe just on some level but i knew.
anyway, i was... really close with one of my other teammates, there at the end. closer than i was with the others. we were
[ she doesn't finish that thought, just... clenching her eyes shut for a long moment. she still can't talk about aigis, about that absence that feels like a constant wound. ]
the point is i liked mitsuru, too, even if i wasn't going to act on it tonight we talked and she figured out how she felt about me
[ They might have been beating around the bush and joked around before, but this situation calls for a different approach. Akira sits on the bed and starts typing: ]
aren't you forgetting about one thing? you're not bound by that contract now. well, after you come back...that's a different story. there's no way to tell what will happen. i don't think it should stop you from making the most of your time here. things might get complicated if your other teammate finds their way here, but... i'd focus on the person who's here. and it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong.
[ there's something ironic, she thinks, about being on the receiving end of that kind of advice now. kotone... isn't really sure what to say to it. she certainly can't bear to talk more about aigis.
so she, perhaps kind of glaringly, skips to the last part. ]
she didn't do anything wrong it took a while for us to get close but she was always there for me in her own way yknow
my team never knew any of the velvet room or contract stuff i tried to explain some of it to her earlier but i don't think i made any sense
without you, she might keep thinking that she's in the wrong. try not to avoid talking to her. and figure out what your own feelings are first. it sounds like the last thing you two need right now is a misunderstanding.
[ While that's not exactly the point of their conversation, Kotone is clearly beating herself up way too much. ]
that place doesn't make sense unless you see it for yourself, i think. i'm not sure i would understand anything if they tried explaining it to me.
[ They never asked for it and yet, they both had to go through their own share of hardships. It's heartbreaking for Akira to read that, especially since there's no easy and quick solution. ]
someone should have warned us that putting up an act might end terribly for us. you don't have to be happy and know who you are or what's going on all the time, kotone. don't be so harsh on yourself...even if i shouldn't be the one saying that, probably.
[ it comes almost reflexively, and she regrets it as soon as she sends it. kotone curls up further in her sleeping bag, clenching her eyes shut for a second. she's starting to fall apart a little. ]
sorry that wasnt fair i just i don't know what to do? i have a second chance here but ive already had to die once to save the world akira and idon't want to again i dont have anything to go back to, this is it
[ she's assuming the worst about the eventual outcome here, even with a success in mind. ]
[ Well, honestly, it's not like she's wrong. It did end better for him than for her, and even if it might sound cruel to point it out, that's an undeniable fact. ]
i can't even imagine how it must feel like. the question is...do you want to stay here? even after everything is over? i don't want to give you false hope, but maybe it's a possibility...
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no subject
how so?
[ It could be in Kotone's head, yet he doesn't want to assume things without getting the full picture. ]
no subject
i don't know what your velvet room contract was like. but i remember mine super clearly. death gave it to me.
"time never waits. it delivers all equally to the same end.
i agree to the statement above, and i chooseth this fate of mine own free will."
i didn't really think about it. but i think i always knew i was only going to have that one year. maybe just on some level but
i knew.
anyway, i was... really close with one of my other teammates, there at the end. closer than i was with the others. we were
[ she doesn't finish that thought, just... clenching her eyes shut for a long moment. she still can't talk about aigis, about that absence that feels like a constant wound. ]
the point is
i liked mitsuru, too, even if i wasn't going to act on it
tonight we talked and she figured out how she felt about me
i panicked
now she thinks she did something wrong
no subject
aren't you forgetting about one thing?
you're not bound by that contract now.
well, after you come back...that's a different story.
there's no way to tell what will happen.
i don't think it should stop you from making the most of your time here.
things might get complicated if your other teammate finds their way here, but...
i'd focus on the person who's here.
and it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong.
no subject
so she, perhaps kind of glaringly, skips to the last part. ]
she didn't do anything wrong
it took a while for us to get close but
she was always there for me in her own way yknow
my team never knew any of the velvet room or contract stuff
i tried to explain some of it to her earlier but i don't think i made any sense
no subject
try not to avoid talking to her.
and figure out what your own feelings are first.
it sounds like the last thing you two need right now is a misunderstanding.
[ While that's not exactly the point of their conversation, Kotone is clearly beating herself up way too much. ]
that place doesn't make sense unless you see it for yourself, i think.
i'm not sure i would understand anything if they tried explaining it to me.
no subject
i think doing what we do really messed me up akira
i don't really know who i am
and i think that's how the velvet room wanted it
no subject
someone should have warned us that putting up an act might end terribly for us.
you don't have to be happy and know who you are or what's going on all the time, kotone.
don't be so harsh on yourself...even if i shouldn't be the one saying that, probably.
no subject
[ it comes almost reflexively, and she regrets it as soon as she sends it. kotone curls up further in her sleeping bag, clenching her eyes shut for a second. she's starting to fall apart a little. ]
sorry that wasnt fair
i just
i don't know what to do?
i have a second chance here but
ive already had to die once to save the world akira and idon't want to again
i dont have anything to go back to, this is it
[ she's assuming the worst about the eventual outcome here, even with a success in mind. ]
no subject
i can't even imagine how it must feel like.
the question is...do you want to stay here? even after everything is over?
i don't want to give you false hope, but maybe it's a possibility...